I can tend to make things always seem better than they are. I have a hard time telling other people that I am having a hard time. On the other hand I know that it is good to get it out and to talk about it. Last night I had a little break down. I am just having a hard time feeling like there is not anything that I am doing that is making a difference. I finally had the school that I was working on and then that is not happening anymore. I feel like everything my husband sets out to do he does and is very successfull at. I want to be happy for him but it gets kind of old always hearing how amazing he is and how incredible it is that he is doing so good at his work. Then I tell myself that I have the kids and I am working really hard on them but on the other side I am always hearing how great it is that Levi is with the kids so much and he is so good with them. Nobody means it this way but it feels like a slap in the face. Sometimes I am totally content with where I am and what I am doing. But then other times I feel like everyone I know is working at or on some type of goal. I am not really sure where I am going with this but to say that it has been a hard couple of days and I am a bit down. I would be lying if I said I was not dissapointed about the school. It was a fun project that I really felt like I was making a difference with. I guess I should just be praying that God would bring me something else that would fill that void. I am going to try to make that my personal focus now.
On a different note, I read in a magazine to fill a pitcher with water and cut up a whole orange and split a vanilla bean in half and put all of that in the water. Then you let it sit in the fridge for a day or so and then it tastes so yummy. It tasts like a creamcsicle ( one of those orange popsicles with ice cream in the middle. I want to drink it all day. You really should try it.
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4 comments:
Ooh, the water sounds good. But really, Jesse, i only see you with the kids mostly, and when i do, even with my kids, you are such a blessing. You have such an easy going sweet spirit. i want to be like you. I am so serious. If it helps, i don't have any goals whatsoever. Just getting along day by day and holding what God has put into my hands is all i can think of. I was way stoked on your school and i saw how much love and time was invested there. I can't wait to see what you do next!
I know what you mean, I just read this and wanted to tell you that I think you're amazing. I've never met anyone who does the kind of sweet things that you do just to let people know you care, and God has used you so much in my life to encourage me. I've thought often that I want to be like you.
Whenever I talk about Kai and how he's doing with his schooling and stuff, people say, 'he's just like his daddy!' like my working with him doesn't make a difference. Like I'm the dumb one in the family... :) it's funny. It's hard being a wife and mom, especially the wife of a superstar. But you are incredible.
Thanks for being real. It helps to open the door for others to be honest about their struggles and to trust that you understand. I echo Devon and Rae's comments--you are an amazing mom and I honestly hope to be as loving and compassionate as you are...not only with your family, but with others as well (people you don't even know!) Thanks for setting a stellar example of a godly woman.
I wouldn't even say sometimes. I feel like it's hard very often, every day...even a few times a day...
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