I am usually a pretty upbeat person. It takes a lot to get me down. It is just in my nature to let things rool off my back. I don't get worked up or sad very often. Movies make my husband cry more than me. I am just not much of a cryer. It is not that I do not care about stuff, it just has to get pretty bad for me to actually cry. I usually get mad before I get sad.
Is it possible to be lonely when you have friends? I have a lot of friends and I have my kids and my husband but lately I have been feeling very lonely. I need a certain amount of social interaction and it seems like it has been really hard to get that lately. It is not that I have not tried. About every other day I call someone or two to see if they want to come over or go somewhere with the kids or something, ANYTHING. I have always wanted to be one those houses where friends stopped by to say hi, have a cup of coffee, talk a little and then go on our way. No big set up, no planning, just a little conversation and a little contact with another adult. The other day one girl did do this and it made me very happy. I hope that it happens again.
I have thought about doing a regular play date weekly but I feel like that is so planned and something that people feel like they have to go to because they said yes once and now they are stuck. I guess I want it to be more spontaneous than that. But it also seems like moms are not home much anymore. If you do get the guts to stop by they will most likely be out. Not that I am not out a lot but that is because I can only stay at home alone with my kids for so long. They want to play with other kids sometimes and I need to have a little interaction, even if it is just with the coffee shop worker or something.
This seems so petty and not like a big deal in the whole picture but it has me really down. So, down that I actually cried. I just got to wondering. Is it something with me that people are not comfortable being around me, do they not feel comfortable in my house, or is it just that everyone I know already has their " friends" and does not need anymore?
How do you get this type of friendship? I do not feel comfortable just stopping by most peoples houses because it does not seem like everyone likes that and unless they say that they do it is kind of intrusive. Devon's house is the exception. I always feel like it is just fine if I stop by there. Thanks, Devon. I get tired of having to plan a party in order to have people at my house. I actually had a friendship party here after we moved so that everyone would know where we live and maybe stop by in the future. Nothing came of that. I am one of those people that can talk to someone in the afternoon and invite them over for dinner that night. I like it like that.
So, this is a bit rambling and I am not writing this to get friends or anything. I am just wondering if I am the only one that deals with this or if maybe it is just something with having little kids. The heat is also giving me cabin fever because it is just too hot to go outside. I am going to take my daughter to the public pool right now, maybe I will be able to talk to one of the moms there and get my social fix.
I do not know how many more times I can stand to be turned down, not called, or just ignored. I know I am being a little dramatic. This to will pass.
2 comments:
I think i'm an easy crier (ok not a word, i know) Because now i'm crying. I want to say Jesse that there is nothing wrong with YOU. I think there is something wrong with me, but then you might say to me what i just said to you. I am a lonely person (excepting when i have company for four weeks straight) and i sink into the 'hole' rachel described when i am not around people enough. Scott says i am an extrovert and an introvert, because i will just be home and like 'noone loves me' and then i get around friends, and i'm like 'why don't i do this more often?' You are a good girlfriend, and you just come on by anytime, and maybe i'll just stop by and see you. Oh, and I really like your house, its a good clean kid friendly kick it space thats nice on the eyes!
Oh gosh. I can't believe you poured your heart out and then got SPAMMED. Thank God for sweet Devon. I'm late on this, too, Jessie, but I just wanted to say that I love you and I wish we lived closer because I know our kids would love each other and I would totally swing by. It's so funny because I was thinking this very thing the other day about the LAND. Crazy, huh? But sometimes I get stuck in the house here, and now that I have the bigger place I want people to just come on by and someday's nobody does and then I'm thinking-- are they intimidated? Do I come across as unfriendly? And I'm like Devon, a little scared of being friends, but loving it when I do.
But you are a GREAT friend, and we should at least get together on the phone more often. I'll see you in a couple days and I'm really excited.
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