What is really important?

I feel like I am always flip flopping on my feelings. One day I am so excited I can hardly stand it then the next I have a day like today. There are a few factors that have made for a pretty horrible day.

1. I went to a concert last night and stayed up way to late and woke up way to early ( I do not do well on little sleep)

2. I decided to do something about those last 10lbs that I have been trying to get rid of ( I do not do well on little food)

3. We just got back from vacation and although that was wonderful it is taking me forever to get things back in order ( I feel
like I have been grocery shopping for days just to restock the fridge)

4. On the one day that I really needed my daughter to take a nap so that I could also she decided that she just was not going to
do that today ( of all the days to choose)

5. I am PMSing to just top everything off ( just for good measure)


I keep having this battle in my head. On the one side is the side that says it is a good idea to focus on myself some and to do the things that I want to do right now. Like lose some weight and exercise. On the other side is the sanity of my family. The problem is that I do not really "want" to do either of those things so when I decide that I am going to I get really grouchy. Along with the lack of sleep and the hormones. But I have done this so many times. I decide this is the day! This is the time and I set out to do it. Then after one day of it I see the results. It is an unhappy house with kids that are driving me crazy when they do not usually and for no aparent reason. I see a house that is a disaster because I have no energy to do anything because of the lack of food. ( now do not think that I am starving myself. I always use the weight watchers program and it works really well and is very balanced) but like I said I do not do very well when I am depriving myself or maybe it is just mental. I see a husband that is really trying to support me but is totally miserable because of all of the above. Then I take a minute to look around me and I think to myself. Is it really worth it? It is not like I am obese to the extent that I am worried about my health. It is my own vein thinking. It is me trying to be what I was before I had kids. And when I realize that, I see that I do not want to be who I was before because I like who I am now. I like being a mother and a wife. I like being a laid back friend, someone who can roll with the punches of life.

I have a lot on my plate right now. I have two little kids who need me a lot. I have a husband that needs to be supported and loved. I am getting ready to take on the roll of teacher. I am in the process of adopting a new baby into our famiily. I have food to make, a house to clean, and a need to squeeze in some reading time ( for my sanity). That is what I want to concentrate on right now. Why do I keep getting distracted? I could go on and on about our society and why that is why it is hard to be a "normal woman" but I think that I need to learn to be satisfied in myself and to let go of a standard that is just to high. So, tomarrow is another day and another chance to see what a wonderful life I have. I am going to spend the day loving my family, cleaning a bit more, making a dinner that we can all sit down and enjoy together , and of course read a bit.